I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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