You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
