is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
