So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
