I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
