When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
