i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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