Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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