if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
