I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
