I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
