the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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