I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
