HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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