So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Randomize
