Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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