found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
