So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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