We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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