Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
