Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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