The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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