How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
