I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
