p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
