Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
