no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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