it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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