Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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