Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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