i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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