tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My feet surprised me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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