I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
