I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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