That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
