from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
