Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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