oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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