so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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