I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
