on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
