OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
