Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
