I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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