I must be too annoying 4 u.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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