so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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