Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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