i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
