her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
