she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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